“[Trigger Warning for discussion of rape]
Eight percent of college men have either attempted or successfully raped. Thirty percent say they would rape if they could get away with it. When the wording was changed to “force a woman to have sex,” the number jumped to 58%. Worse still, 83.5% argue that “some women look like they are just asking to be raped.”—
Margo Maine, Ph.D. (Body Wars)
There was a time that, as a person of the male persuasion, seeing this quote made me really mad. It made me mad that women would assume that I was a rapist; it made me mad that rape was becoming ‘my problem’; it made me mad because, frankly, I didn’t think it was true. I think that this is a really common male attitude when confronted with rape statistics- or, at least, it has been in my purely anecdotal experience.
But now, I know there is no excuse for that. Men need to take responsibility and look at these numbers for what they really are, and what they really, truly represent. Men, don’t be mad at the woman who is justifiably wary that more than half of the men she knows could be her potential rapist. Don’t be mad at that there’s someone trying to rain on your fun, privileged parade where rape is something that only happens on Law & Order. Don’t be mad that you can’t accept that rape is way more common than you think. Most of all, don’t be mad at the woman who was raped and is seeking justice and help for her assault just because you thinks she looks like she was ‘asking for it.’
Be mad at the man who waits in the park to prey on the women who have a right to feel safe in their own communities. Be mad at the man who takes advantage of his drunk girlfriend. Be mad at the man who pushes the issue when his wife isn’t in the mood. Be mad at the man who catcalls, who makes unwelcome advances, who cops a feel.
Don’t be angry at the woman who doesn’t entirely trust you. Be angry at the men who have made her feel that way. Don’t be a part of a problem.
This is the best commentary I’ve seen on this post. It’s been around since Sept 2010 and has about 5000 notes, and yet, this is the only commentary I’ve seen that entire time that is basically amazing.
Some dude in a band you like makes a rape joke and so you go around putting rape joke in scare quotes, calling it a “so called” raped joke, and saying how great and good it is that the girl who called him out on it apparently got thrown out and how she shouldn’t have said anything or how oh well maybe it’s okay she said something but DEFINITELY not in the way she did, god, how shocking and terrible she was?
Nice one. No, really. It’s super great that you think guys in bands can go around saying whatever they like and that a woman who is offended should only be able to call him out on being a dick if she does it in a way you deem appropriate and polite and acceptable enough. I just - what the fuck? The guys in bands you like are people, they fuck up, DEAL WITH IT. No one is saying that Brendon Urie is a terrible person and like, idk, not made of puppies and rainbows and whatever you think. He’s just a dude who probably spoke before he thought about it and was kind of an idiot in that moment, but the world is full of people who speak before they think, especially when it comes to the subject of rape, and the world is full of people who need to know. From what I can gather, he actually reacted fine when he was told he offended people and was sorry, so I don’t think this story is painting him in a particularly bad light or anything. So I don’t get it. Why do you feel the need to jump down the throat of this girl who actually stood up and said, hey, this is shitty and offensive and was doubtlessly talking on behalf of a whole bunch of people who were offended? Like, is it because a mere fangirl dared question your beloved band, or something? Because she didn’t act in the narrow definition of the way you think girls are supposed to behave? Seriously. I don’t get it at all. Just stop carelessly dismissing rape, okay? Why can’t someone who was offended just be allowed to say, hey, I was actually offended? You can say “it was only a joke” all you like, but the attitudes it has then brought out of people on the internet is just depressing, oh man.